The blogosphere is ringing with increasingly frenzied reports of a planned invasion of Lubbock, Texas, by U.N. troops, led by the President himself on a white (! O, the irony!) charger. Even the puling, sniveling-liberal New York Times (note codeword: New… York !!!) has finally had to admit as much:
Official Stirs Texas City With Talk of Rebellion
The county’s top elected official, County Judge Tom Head, made an appearanceon a local television station to generate support for the tax increase. He said he was expecting civil unrest if President Obama is re-elected, and that the president would send United Nations forces into Lubbock, population 233,740, to stop any uprising.
“He is going to try to hand over the sovereignty of the United States to the U.N.,” Mr. Head said on Fox 34 last week. “O.K., what’s going to happen when that happens? I’m thinking worst-case scenario: civil unrest, civil disobedience, civil war, maybe. And we’re not talking just a few riots here and demonstrations. We’re talking Lexington, Concord, take up arms and get rid of the guy.”
And if the president did send in United Nations troops, Mr. Head continued, “I don’t want ’em in Lubbock County. O.K. So I’m going to stand in front of their armored personnel carriers and say, ‘You’re not coming in here.’ And the sheriff, I’ve already asked him. I said, ‘You gonna back me?’ He said, ‘Yeah, I’ll back you.’
“Well, I don’t want a bunch of rookies back there,” Mr. Head said. “I want trained, equipped, seasoned veteran officers to back me.”
Mr. Head, a Republican who serves as the county’s emergency management director and presides over the commissioner’s court, made international headlines.
The only flaw in this analysis is that, um, the President, as such, does not have any actual U.N. troops at his disposal, unless he is somehow hiding some in the West Wing. Even the United Nations barely has troops at their disposal, apart from a ragtag band of hapless untrained ill-armed Africans. And even these it typically fears to use, as witness the stirring rise of the self-proclaimed newly independent people’s Islamic popular Muslimist emirate of free and autarkic Azawad, whose doughty handful of tribal irregulars bid defiance to the effete-hankie crumpet-munching ladies-debate-club on the East River.
Such awkward facts have led a deluded few to doubt the Absolute Truth of these Lubbockion allegations. But the crack news team at the World of Dr Justice has nonetheless discovered -- in yet another exclusive scoop for WDJ -- that all that piffle about “U.N. troops” and what have you (which, really, shouldn’t fool a child) is a just a cover story for the REAL invasion plan: a Democratico-Papistical conspiracy of the first magnitude. And the insertion force is none other than the notoriously lethal and brutal Swiss Guards !!! To be commanded by the Pontiff himself, riding at their van in the armored Popemobile !!!!!
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| The invasion force, drilling somewhere on the campus of Bryn Mawr |
Buttressing the case (by now iron-clad), our HUMINT forces have detected mad cackling laughter emanating from the attics of the Vatican.
Our research staff has further discovered that the whole plot was hatched as part of the Riemann Conspiracy; details available to our paying customers only.
For the inside scoop, enter your password, your passcode, and the even digits of your Social Security Number, and send us five hundred dollars in small-denomination nonconsecutive unmarked bills (ten-percent discount for readers of the Executive Intelligence Review); then click here:
Since my husband of 30+ yrs hails from Lubbock, nothing about the place could surprise me much any more. Aside perhaps from the appearance of a place to have a decent upscale meal. (Confessio, though, I can highly recommend many diners and tamale places.)
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